Testimony of an Anxious Heart

 This morning as I read my devotion, I reflected on the writer's words regarding her "5 year plan". At the age of 20, she created a plan that would serve as her guide in efforts to accomplish what she felt was God's plan for her life. Two years into her plan, a blue-eyed young man entered her life and he became her husband nine months later. Her "interrupted" plan was a blessing from God and the couple are celebrating 25 years this year. This story touched my heart due to the blessing of "interruption" in my own life. At 27 years old, I found myself divorced and broken before God. I wanted to so badly to be a woman that God would be proud of but I did not see how God could be proud of a failed marriage and a past that consisted of shame and despair. As I sat in my room one night praying, I cried out to God to help me make my life something more than my past. I wanted to be a woman that made my heavenly Father proud to call me his daughter. I also desperately wanted to become a wife one day and to have a family but I knew my main focus at that point was to to grow as a person and especially as a Christian. I set out thinking this best way to do this was to create a list to serve as a guide...my five year plan, I suppose. As I tried new things and centered my attention on God, I was given the best interruption to my plan. He was not at all what I had anticipated at that time! I was not looking for my husband which I think is one thing that makes him so special to me! He was a complete surprise and precious blessing! When we first began dating, we lived three hours from one another and I spent many trips traveling home literally crying because I felt that God was being too good to me! This sweet guy had never been married and had so much going for him...why me? I was divorced and ashamed of it. I had not forgiven myself...but thankfully, God had forgiven me. The more time I spent with the man that would become my husband, I understood more about the goodness of God. One night as I was reading my Bible, I read Psalm 103. This psalm means so much to me because it explains that the Lord does not treat us as our sins deserve and that he removes our transgressions as far as the east is from the west. What a beautiful truth! God was blessing me! He was not looking to punish me. I was forgiven! Once I realized this, I still cried to God but this time I cried tears of thanksgiving! I am so incredibly blessed! I have a wonderful husband who is a precious reminder of God's love for me! My prayer is that I always remember that my marriage is gift from God and that my love for my husband should always be Christ-like. I should seek to serve rather than be served, understand rather than always seek to be understood, and love rather than demand. Thank you God for this wonderful life and the precious husband you have blessed me with!

"Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself"

"So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."                                                                                            ~Franklin D. Roosevelt


The phrase "nothing to fear but fear itself" is derived from Franklin D. Roosevelt's first inaugural address. If we look back at history, Americans had every reason to be afraid at this point in time. This speech was given on March 4, 1933, which was in the heat of the Great Depression. Many found themselves homeless and unemployed. Life for a massive number of people seemed hopeless. The quote "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself" would have seemed like an insensitive thing to be told at the time but there truly is some truth to this quote. I know in my life I often get all worked up over things that cause me great fear! Things that may or may not occur. Statistically my fears rarely develop into anything more than fear or worry.  My fears are typically unjustified and I tend to retreat in panic and anxiety. The problem is, the worry and fear cause distress and drive me to focus on my fears rather than my faith. I am quick to say that I believe and love a mighty and wonderful God, but I am also the person that is often fearful of the "what ifs" and quick to become consumed with negativity. I do not consider myself a negative person; however, if I read or watch material containing negative stories, I let it drive my fear. If I read a story about someone experiencing health issues, I become worried that I may at some point be in a similar situation. It is not that I wish these events on others but that I am faced with my own mortality. As Christians, we are told not to fear death but as humans, this is a major fear!

This year I have experienced health issues for the last six months. Many times I did not know what my future held and the fear has been exhausting. I was not given a terrible diagnosis, as so many people are given. For that I am so blessed and I do not mean to make my situation sound as though it was the mountain that so many are climbing right now. My respect for those facing these situations is more than words can express! What I have learned through my experience is that many times in life when face the unknown or a challenging situation, the greatest thing we have to fear is fear itself. So often things turn out great and we spend so much precious time worried about the unknown or the "fear". My prayer for you and for myself is that we can focus on the good things in our lives and the blessings we have been given. By doing this, our focus is on our faith and thankfulness instead of our fears. May God be always with you and give you peace and faith in all the challenges of life!

Confessions of a Control Freak

I am a control freak, I fully admit it! I want to be the one driving the car, flying the plane, packing the bags, preparing the meals...you get the idea! I am the poster child for someone that only feels truly safe when she is in control. The irony of this all is that I am in control of very little in life. Initially this thought scared me....like immense fear kind of scare. Then I realized, I am incredibly blessed that I am in control of very little because my Heavenly Father is in control of EVERYTHING!!! What a wonderful reassurance! God has all the information. He sees the whole puzzle and He has promised that He knows the plan he has for us, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". I can't tell you what is going to happen in the next five minutes, much less further down the road! You wouldn't go want to be in an airplane flown by a pilot that only knew a few of the controls would you? Especially to someone who is a control freak, it only makes sense to have all the information and all the pieces needed to guide. This is when I realized that I am not the one in control. I do not have all the information and the perspective of my Heavenly Father. Of course my goal is to become more like Him everyday but my job is to look to Him for the guidance needed and to thank Him for His control over my life!

 When things happen that are out of our control, it seems to throw our world into chaos! Those of us that give ourselves credit for the planning of our days and meeting demands successfully are left wondering what to do! And in the midst of not knowing what to do, sometimes we don't even know what to pray. The beautiful thing is that we serve a God that knows our hearts, even when we don't have the words. Praise the Lord, He fights for us and is with us now and forevermore!  That give courage to even the most anxious of hearts! May the Lord be with you!

Just Relax!

Friends, there are a few things that I can promise you I will not tell you. First of all, I will not tell you to "Just relax". I have heard this so many times since I have been dealing with anxiety! Those that don't understand are quick to give advice of "Just relax", "You need a vacation", "You are too high strung", and "You just need to carry on with your normal routine. This will get better". The problem with this is when you have anxiety, you don't choose to be upset or scared. It is like a wave that comes over you. Our loved ones giving us advice simply want us to feel better. I truly don't think that people intend to come across as insensitive. It is just hard to understand if you have never dealt with it! Yet another reason for the creation of this blog!

 God's word instructs us that we are to encourage one another. I will only tell you things in this blog that give me peace of mind in the times when anxiety is attempting to take hold of my joy. My desire is to encourage you and lift you in prayer. I will write of devotions, scriptures, and meditations that inspire me and give me the burst of encouragement I need. I will also share other blogs that I have found comforting. I would ask that you also share the things that you have found helpful. If you have prayer requests, please share those as well. We are a community of believers and we are called to pray for one another! May the Lord give you comfort and peace!

Why another blog about Anxiety????

Anxiety is a word that is highly overused. Many people often say "I am so anxious to go on my vacation", "I have anxiety about the test I have coming up", "I am anxious for my wedding day", "I am so anxious about all the things I have to do today". If you stop and think about the times you have used the term "anxiety", it may have had many varying connotations. I have always been quick to throw the term in a description of how I felt on a day that was overwhelming. It was not until one particular day that I would use the term "anxiety" in a totally new connotation...the day I experienced my first anxiety attack! I thought I was dying...no kidding! My heart started racing, I felt light-headed and nauseous, and I began sweating like crazy! I seriously though "Ok Lord, this is it. I am about to die!". Thankfully dying that day was not in His plan for me but I am learning that once you experience anxiety is not easy to get over! That is the reason for the creation of this blog. I know that I am not the only lady out there reading this battling with anxiety! It can be a difficult battle to fight and I have found that it is hard to describe to people what goes on...much less get them to understand. I have been told to "relax" and that I just need to go get a massage or something. Ladies, I am all about pampering but there are only so many massages you can get in a day! The best medicine I have found for my anxiety is the Word of God and talking to my sisters in Christ that battle this same giant! I have prayed during all of this that God would draw me close to my Godly sisters and that we would lean on His promise from Matthew 18:20 "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them". I can testify that through my battle with anxiety, my Father has never left me nor forsaken me and it is because of His strength I face my fears daily! My desire if for this blog to serve as an outlet and a meeting place for us to gather together and know that no one is alone! We may not know one another and we will likely live many miles apart but as sisters in Christ we are never far apart and our prayers for one another will be heard by our might God!!! May God bless and keep us all through our journeys!